yearning, plus one

how i miss You -
around, behind,
in front of,
far, near,
open,
dear, very dear.

when the night murders
its dreams,
and the carcasses lay
strewn about;
when reason rages
hard against
a dying passion;
when eyes sleep
and thoughts float
about recklessly -
when one realm
merges seamlessly
into another,
i talk to You, my love -
a heart softened
by your grace,
a furtive, secret call,
a conversation
carried,
unseen, unheard by everyone
but You.

everyday, with every single
passing cloud, hills and trees,
raspy breath, wide eyes beset with tears,
trembling hands, or smiling cheeks -
through
every single one of these,
i think,
think of you.

the face i yearn for,
the tryst i so desire,
the love i long for.

how i miss You -
my love, all over again.
you never left me
once, nor
waged against me,
my heedlessness;
instead you pulled me
close to You,
lead me to
peace, happiness
and beauty;
a heart reborn.

how i wish You
would be
my step and grasp
and touch,
my hearing and
my sight -
all of these, my Rabb, my God, my Allah;
and more,
before the day
i return to You.

to Be, or not to Be

When one sits to ponder about who this Allah really is, (or, God, higher being, creator - whatever you will - since the word Allah is linguistically just the Arabic word for such a power) plenty of adjectives come to mind. Allah asks us to, after accepting and acknowledging Him, to contemplate on his words.

"(This is) a Book (the Qur'an) which we have sent down to you, full of blessings, that they may ponder over its Verses, and that men of understanding may remember." (Qur'an 38:29)

He speaks to you and me, trusting in our intelligence, that He may appeal to us to save our own souls. Allah, the mighty, the sublime, has all of creation to bow to him. You and I, on the other hand, was born alone, will die alone. Ponder over the query of whether Allah has more need and/or use of us, or us of Him.

Personally, it was when I was at the lowest ebb of my life that I started to contemplate on the message of Islam. Like all of humanity, I was selfish in my quest for knowledge. I would feel pain spearing through my insides, and my need to seek solace would inevitably surface. It is probably one of the hazards of being born into a Muslim family - since Islam is always there in our lives as a background element, we always, always take it for granted. Why learn about something that you've 'known' since you started talking, right?

It is to all of the people who can relate to this former ghost of me that I would like to talk to. The greatest tragedy in life is not to never have something, but to have it and never realise what it is until it is too late. If, like me, you too have fallen in prostration, prayed, fasted, read the Qur'an, raised your hands in dua at all the appropriate moments, but never ever asked yourself for a single moment why you were doing it, you have missed out on the beauty of your faith.

The reward of faith is a multi-layered, complex process. True we are promised this hedonistic Paradise, Jannah "that which no eye has ever seen". True we get to party with all the cool Ahlal-Jannah (people of Paradise) we've only heard about and dreamed about all our lives. I mean, who wouldn't want to meet the dashing Omar ibn Khattab(RA), or the dignified Abu Bakr (RA), or the greatest Prophet Mohammed (SAW) whom words cannot do justice to? Imagine all this being within your reach. Be selfish! Have you ever heard a faith encouraging you to be selfish? Well, here it is; ISLAM - the coolest, most radical concept of faith.

We normally hear about people sacrificing their lives to serve God, to live for the sake of other people alone, to not seek happiness as an ends in itself. Eastern philosophies encourage you to negate the concept of the self; let it dissolve into the universe, be one with the creation. Islam tells you to celebrate the concept of the self, work towards its eternal bliss, and be this hedonistic party animal once the gate-keepers of Jannah open their doors to you.

The path to this Jannah lies in two words - "Be Conscious." If we really, truly love someone, we make an honest effort to be the way the person wants us to be. Some of us even radically alter our lifestyles for that person. We give up our jobs, move to a different city, change our food habits, dress differently - the list could go on. All this for a person whom you met a short time ago, and, if you're lucky, will live with for a short time. And, yet, this relationship will be a mutual relationship - give/take, "I cook / You clean".

However, our relationship with Allah is not an equitable one by any means. We take and take and take; how much do we even think of giving back? Even if we did give something back, it would not be a fair exchange by any means. Yet, Allah being Ar-Raheem (the Merciful), will not hold that against you AS LONG AS you are conscious of Him. Not to forget the fact that even your consciousness of Him will be more beneficial to you in this life first, and then in the Hereafter. It will bring you an unbridled joy that you never deemed possible.

On the authority of Abu Huraira (may Allah be pleased with him), the Prophet Mohammed (SAW) said, "Allah, the Almighty says, 'I am as my servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of me. If he makes mention of me to himself, I make mention of him to myself. If he makes mention of me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assembly better than that. And if he draws near to me a hand's span, I draw near to him an arm's length. And if he draws near to me an arm's length, I draw near to him a fathom's length. And if he comes to me walking, I go to him running'."

The next time you feel anger rising within you, and you want to scream at the person in front of you, hold yourself back for one second and ask yourself, "Would Allah want me to do this?" The next time a person asks you to give him some food, ask yourself, "Would Allah be pleased with this?" The next time you look at your mother, smile at her and ask yourself, "Is Allah smiling back at me?"

He doesn't need to say anything for you to know the answer to that. You know.

the Scenario-War-Scenario

Scenario # 1:

A long long time ago, when the heavens and the earth were created, man was also created - the first man that most of civilization acknowledges. This man, Adam, along with his wife, Eve, procreated and a series of incidents later, humankind, as we know it, was formed.

Scenario # 2:

A big explosion happened in a dark, dreary universe. Some huge shards of matter met and decided to agglomerate for an unspecified period of time. Masses hadn't really decided which 'cool' group they wanted to be a part of. So, they kept moving around, indecisive, for a few million years. And then some animate cells were specially flown in from outer space - the same place where the inanimate matter originated too. These cells had an IQ of 2,398,459. So much so that they know exactly how to get together and have a party AND create the complex human body. Okay, the complex monkey body, and that in turn 'evolved' into you, me, and the hot girl next door. Not to forget the inanimate matter that became rivers and valleys and mountains and sand and snow and trees. Some seriously convenient 'accident' that was! On a side note, I really wish that my rotting piece of mozzarella could 'create' some cows or ants or some such beautiful creature. Why do I get stuck with rotting green goo? *sob sob*

Lame attempts at humour aside, how does Scenario # 1 compare with Scenario # 2? Is it really THAT difficult to imagine that the beautiful human body, with all its complexities, was designed and created by a brilliance that the average human mind cannot perceive? Personally, I can't even fix a broken computer, let alone attempt to know everything about everything that ever was. So, even my limited intelligence (or the lack thereof!) tells me that some ingenious, supernatural being, commonly called God, created all of this and then some more.

Now that we've established the existence of God, we move onto the acknowledgment of this God. What if I told you that Islam is merely the acknowledgment of this God? Forget the cultural stereotypes, the gun-toting video terrorists, the black-clad women, quadruple wives, bearded men shouting fervent slogans. Forget all of that. Just understand that this God, who gave you everything that you have, just wants you to acknowledge His presence. Simple. If this is what you believe, then you are already a believer in Islam.

Once you've taken this step, you're going to know that immediately on the heels of acknowledgment is submission to this God. There is no point in mere acknowledgment without any action, is there?

“I did not create the Jinn and mankind except to worship Me.” (Quran 51:56)

This submission, in Islam, is within a framework - simplified and streamline for us mortals to follow easily. You and I cannot get together over a cup of coffee and decide what is the appropriate amount of worship due to a creator of such stature. Hence Allah, or God, decided to be more merciful; He simplified, decided and communicated this code of worship to us through some special people (called Prophets) and books. A very effective exercise in communication, if you ask me.

Ponder over these simple truths.Simple enough for your 2-year-old son to understand before you!

close, Open

Some incidents in our life force us to sit up and take stock of ourselves, our choices, our way of life, our beliefs, and, most importantly, our intentions. This credo applies to everyone – young, old, fat, thin, black, white, vegan, carnivore, scavenger, or monarch. You could be a kippah-sporting Jew, a fire-walking mystic, a tree-worshipping pantheist – these points of forced introspection cut across religious, social, cultural and linguistic delineations. No one is spared nor ignored. In Arabic, these trials are known as Fitan (sing.Fitna). Although a literal transliteration is not possible, it loosely refers to the tests that humankind are put through – both as a group and on a personal level.

It is through Fitna that one’s faith truly comes to the fray. The man who vehemently denies the existence of God his entire life is suddenly known to have called out to a higher being in moments of utter crises. As Allah describes in the Quran:

“And when harm touches you upon the sea, those that you call upon vanish from you except Him (Allah Alone). But when He brings you safe to land, you turn away (from Him). And man is ever ungrateful.

Do you then feel secure that He will not cause a side of the land to swallow you up, or that He will not send against you a violent sandstorm? Then, you shall find no Wakil (guardian – one to guard you from the torment).” (Qur'an 17:67-68)

Islam is referred to as one of the major world religions, the fastest growing religion in the world. I find the need to strongly refute the claim. Islam does not and should not stake a claim to being a religion. To cut it a bit clearer, Islam is NOT a religion. Critics of Islam say that Islam is not religion, but a political movement, an ideology set to conquer.

For me Islam is none of that – not a set of beliefs, not a political movement, not a window to the world. Islam is a way of life. Islam is not the rose-tinted glasses through which I see the world; it is both the eyes that see, and the world that it sees. Ironically, through this world that we see, we earn the worlds “that no eye has ever seen”.

Through the word Aslama, “to accept, to surrender, to submit”, the verbal noun Islam is derived. For those who believe that the basic duties of a Muslim are just fluff, and Allah, in his infinite power and mercy, will save them from the hellfire even though they didn’t bother about him all their lives, really only sit around in their state of infinite denial. Infinite denial and infinite power are not directly proportional to each other; rather one cancels the other out.

The next time you put that juicy piece of chicken to your lips, think about the one who gave you the teeth to bite into it, the throat to swallow it, the stomach to digest it, the eyes to see it, the brain that tells you that you want it. Close your eyes, which Allah gave you, for one second and think about Him who gave them to you. That’s not too much for Him to ask, is it? Just contemplate... one blinking-of-an-eye at a time.

why listen; why communicate?

Ballighu `anni walau aayah – tell them about me (communicate my message), even if it is only one verse.

In the midst of contemplating on these words of the beloved Prophet Mohammed (may the Peace and Blessings of Allah be upon Him), I was startled by the simple veracity of it all. Stuttering my way through Arabic sentences, stumbling between mixed-up tenses, being awakened by big, fat Arabic prepositions coming after me with knives, seeking revenge for my poor treatment of them, I am really coming to grips with the importance of ilm or knowledge. Never mind the fact that I live in perpetual fear of the big, fat prepositions! I am now seeking traveling companions for this journey – to bring Islam back to the Muslim (check one box: Friday / Bi-Annual / Tomorrow / Occasional), to streamline our societies back to startlingly simple truths, to invite other wayfarers and nomads to our beautiful way of life. Fly, fly into eternal bliss, and carry with you the world on your wings.